


I think I miss you

by GalekhXigisi



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Ending, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Reminiscing, Trans Richie Tozier, shit gets rough, there's still pennywise tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 09:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21491992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: Connor and Richie really ended on a flubbed note.
Relationships: Past Richie Tozier/Connor Bowers
Kudos: 39





	I think I miss you

Richie’s hands thread through his hair, silence having befallen him hours ago. He couldn’t pin why he hadn’t managed to make a noise, but he simply  _ hadn’t. _ It was a mixed feeling that wasn’t sitting right with him, simply  _ couldn’t _ sit right with him. 

The song played loud, no one home to hear it except himself. That’s how it always was. Richie would be home, alone, his parents gone. Sometimes, they were at work. Other times, they were on work trips. His phone was plugged in, connected to the speaker. 

Tears fell but no sound was coming out, not a singular hitch, even. There was the occasional sniffle that came, sure, but that was  _ it. _ Richie couldn’t even force his eyes to shut through the haze he found himself stuck in. 

The song reminded him of his ex, of  _ Connor. _ They had been close for so long, tightly knit. They learned to skillfully avoid Henry and his bullshit, to learn to kiss and not dare tell. In Derry, no one really liked to kiss and tell, not after the first gay kid turned up dead with the letter H carved into his chest and nothing else left for context. They were  _ great. _ Well, that was until the day they suddenly  _ weren’t _ and Connor was a completely different boy, one that Richie suddenly couldn’t associate with at all. Connor had joined with Henry and Richie found himself thrown out of the loop violently, the arcade marking a harsh chop off of their friendship. 

Even after Henry was gone and Pennywise was metaphorically six feet under, Richie still found himself in tears, thrown away like a piece of trash. It only aided in his hateful process of calling himself Trashmouth Tozier, something that he used as an insult to himself so casually that no one could ever conclude it as spiteful to himself. In fact, it had become a nickname at some point and was often accompanied with  _ Beep Beep. _

Everything had been poisoned by Connor, every single interaction now laced with venom and sitting deep in his veins. Richie can’t go to the arcade with the somber haze he’s currently feeling settling over him. It had made a million different issues with his friends, too. He couldn’t go to the movies, couldn’t sit at the quarry’s edge for hours, couldn’t do a million different  _ fucking things _ because it all made his stomach knot and mind stutter. Sometimes, if he was in a place too long, he’d have a meltdown, his hands pulling at his hair and mind forcing him away from the scene. It was rough and horrid in a way he hated to keep seeing over and over again. 

The Losers had learned certain places were off limit for Richie. They had learned that Richie couldn’t sit through more than one movie and wouldn’t even get near the arcade anymore. They had learned that there were points where he would get antsy and throw himself off the edge without warning, sometimes landing in the quarry’s cold water with all his clothes still on, binder included. They would scold him if he was still in his binder, but it would be limited, especially when they could see his ADHD buzzing beneath his skin and mind running a million miles a minute. Someone would help him out of it and he’d talk him down from his nerve-wracking high. It was usually Stan or Mike. They had been the only ones to get the full force of emotions Richie went through, being there a few nights after Pennywise when Henry’s arrest was publicly released. Connor had released a statement after finding his uncle’s corpse and Richie had, for  _ some reason, _ absolutely lost his shit, breaking down in front of his friends like it was the end of the world. 

His head hurts as he stares up at the ceiling, glasses clouded with collected tears. He doesn’t feel all too great and he’ll have to wait until his alarm for school rings or his blatter gets the best of him, whatever comes first. 

He just wishes he noticed the red flags before it was too later. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck my ex-best friend and fuck the fact that she's ruined so much shit. I miss the idea of her, tho
> 
> here's my discord server!  
https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


End file.
